Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder can send your most important relationship off the rails. Distraction, procrastination, and other ADHD symptoms can stir anger, frustration, and hurt feelings for both the person with ADHD and the partner. But your marriage or relationship can thrive with proper treatment and tactics to ward off misunderstandings.
The first step towards improving relationships that have been affected by ADHD is understanding. It’s quite common in my practice for individuals to remark that ADHD is “just an excuse” for poor communication and behaviours. We each have a responsibility to educate ourselves on the origins and nature of ADHD that is a neurodevelopmental disorder that effects the executive functioning of the brain.
ADHD is on a scale – mild, moderate and severe. ADD is primarily inattentiveness that comes with its own set of challenges that I discuss with my clients and ADHD is combined both inattentive and hyperactivity. Knowing and understanding one’s particular traits and subsequent behaviours is essential to managing expectations of one another in any given relationship that’s affected by ADHD. Both parties are responsible when attempting to communicate in an open and honest way so that the best outcomes can be had.
ADHD Counselling in Hertfordshire can help you to understand the complexities of an ADHD diagnosis and manage expectations of one another so that disappointment, resentment and anger can be avoided.
Here are some of the signs/symptoms of ADHD that you and your ADHD partner may be grappling with:
Distraction: This is one of the main symptoms of ADHD. Your ADHD partner doesn’t seem to listen when you talk or fails to follow through on promises. You feel unheard, ignored, and unwanted. In reality, they may love you very much but are too distracted by the TV, the phone, or their own thoughts to show it.
Hyperfocus: This is the flip side of distraction. The ADHD individual may be so engrossed in something it’s hard to shift their attention away. They can’t drag themselves away from their current point of interest. Hyperfocus can be a gift for productivity, but unchecked, it can make their loved ones feel less important than whatever had grabbed their attention.
Forgetfulness: ADHD forgetfulness can range from forgetting important Anniversaries leaving their partners feeling neglected and hurt to forgetting to pay those important domestic bills and now you have reminders coming through your letterbox. If there aren’t any management strategies in place for the trait of forgetfulness, serious consequences can ensue for both parties.
Disorganisation: The partner with ADHD may skip chores or leave jobs unfinished. Or constantly misplaces their car/door keys or important papers. Disorganisation can cause stress and wasted time and money. It can also lead to nagging and leave the individual with ADHD feeling criticised and controlled.
Impulsivity: Individuals who have the hyperactive type of ADHD also tend to be impulsive. They often act before thinking. One common problem is impulsive spending. They may spend money on things you don’t need or max out the credit cards. Some people may have risky sex or drive dangerously. Or they may blurt out inappropriate comments at parties.
Procrastination: We all put off boring or hard tasks from time to time. But for some people with ADHD, procrastination is a giant hurdle. You might not know how to get started or feel overwhelmed by a project. You may need last minute deadlines as motivation. That’s a recipe for a chaotic lifestyle that’s hard on you and your loved ones.
The above traits of ADHD are the primary hurdles that need to be managed in your everyday lives. There are also secondary complex traits that have pervasive consequences depending on personality style, childhood upbringing and current lifestyles. My ADHD Counselling in Hertfordshire can help you to identify your unique traits and pervasive dysfunctional behaviours with the objective of managing expectations, open communication and harnessing a more collaborative relationship.
Contact me now for help and understanding a better way of life living with ADHD
